Plain definitions for words that keep showing up in the lessons and articles—what they mean, why they matter, and where to practise. Manipulation tactics are labelled red lights only; we never teach how to run them.
Also called：Being the takeout
Treating someone as on-demand company with no care for reciprocity.
If you only get called when it suits them and your time or feelings are disposable, that is a stop signal—not a personal failing.
Also called：High-reliability cue
Costly, repeatable signs of interest you can check against behaviour—like proposing and keeping a concrete plan.
One compliment is easy to misread; strong signals rest on investment and consistency.
Also called：High-cost behaviour
Actions that cost time, openness or social risk—introducing you to friends, planning ahead, following through.
Words are cheap; behaviour has a cost. Strong cues beat guessing how they feel.
Also called：Low-cost cue · Urgency ≠ strength
Cheap, ambiguous moves: late-night “you up?”, flirting with no plan, rushing intimacy without a concrete date.
Weak cues are not always malice—but if that is all you get, interest is usually overestimated.
Also called：Observable behaviour
What someone actually does, not only what they say—used to judge investment and boundaries.
We emphasise reading behaviour and investment, and asking when unsure, instead of treating hunches as proof.
Also called：Warning pattern · Stop signal
A manipulative or harmful pattern that means pause, set a boundary, or leave—put-downs, push-pull, ignoring a no.
We never teach these tactics; we label them red lights so you can recognise and protect yourself. A red light is about your safety, not fixing them.
Also called：Hot and cold · Intermittent reinforcement
Deliberately alternating warmth and distance to keep someone chasing. Listed here as a red light, for recognition only.
Intermittent reinforcement fuels anxious pursuit and erodes safety. Healthy pacing is steady and predictable, not withdrawal-by-design.
Also called：Vague insight act
Using broad, high-probability statements to seem insightful and earn trust fast.
Feeling seen is not the same as being known. Prefer concrete behaviour and checkable facts over mystical insight.
Also called：Indicator of Interest
Legacy jargon for cues read as interest. In practice, weigh clusters of behaviour and investment—not one IOI.
Treating one smile or reply as proof has a high error rate. We use strong/weak behavioural cues and “ask when unsure” instead.
Also called：Rushing intimacy · Pressure to escalate
Ignoring hesitation and pacing, pushing the relationship or physical steps forward. A red light.
Consent must be clear, freely given and revocable. You can slow down or leave without producing a reason that satisfies them.
Also called：Backhanded compliment
A half-compliment that lowers someone’s confidence so you look superior. A red light; we never teach it.
Attention bought by wounding self-worth is not attraction. The healthy alternative is specific appreciation without a put-down.
Also called：Too-fast intensity
Overwhelming early affection and promises, often followed by put-downs or control. An early red-light pattern.
Healthy pacing lets trust accumulate. “I can’t live without you” in week one plus control is a reason to pause.
Also called：Rewriting memory
Denying your feelings or memory so you doubt whether you are “overthinking.”
Over time it erodes judgement. Notes and a trusted third check help more than arguing alone.
Also called：Warmth then silence
Repeated swings between warmth and disappearance with little explanation—often overlaps with push-pull.
Occasional busyness can be explained; unexplained cycles drain anxious security.
Also called：Emotional blackmail
Using guilt, sacrifice stories or self-harm threats to make you drop a boundary.
Caring people can name disappointment; using guilt to remove your choice is a red light.
Also called：Clear, revocable consent
Consent that is Freely given, Reversible, Informed, Enthusiastic and Specific.
Silence, intoxication or a hidden agenda do not count. This is the floor of the site, not an advanced tip.
Also called：Just enough attention
Giving just enough contact to keep you around without matching investment or meeting up.
If you only get scraps and no checkable next step, reclaiming your energy beats endless decoding.
Also called：Unpredictable reward
Occasional rewards amid mostly nothing—which can deepen pursuit. Push-pull often exploits this.
Knowing the mechanism is for getting out, never for using it on someone else. Steady response is the base of a healthy bond.
Also called：Feigned withdrawal
Pretending to pull back so the other person escalates. A manipulative rhythm—red light.
Real need for space is named clearly; withdrawal-as-leverage trains anxiety.
Also called：Covert emotional conditioning
Pairing a gesture or word with emotion without the other person knowing, to trigger it later. Marked as a red light here.
Without knowledge there is no consent. Name feelings directly instead of conditioning in secret.
Also called：Small asks that escalate
Small requests used to see if you yield, then scaled into control. A red light.
Willingness to cooperate is not the same as being tested for obedience. You can refuse unfair asks and still stay equal.
Also called：Haselton & Buss
Research finds people readily overestimate others' romantic or sexual interest—so read conservatively, in clusters.
It underpins our signal library: verify more, and do not treat friendliness as an invitation.
Also called：Anxious / avoidant patterns
Habitual patterns around closeness (secure, anxious, avoidant…). Useful for understanding reactions, not for labelling people as doomed.
Knowing your likely reactions helps you choose strategy and support; it never excuses manipulation.
Also called：Limit
A clear line of what you will and will not do. Healthy partners hear it; unsafe ones punish it.
Setting a boundary is not an attack. How someone meets your “no” is itself a signal.
Also called：Hidden agenda invite
Using a pretext (see the cat, watch a film) while the real aim stays unspoken—undermines informed consent.
Being informed is part of consent. A real invite can be stated plainly, with room to say no.