Attraction · L1 · Strong and weak behavioral cues

Weak cues cancel strong ones

Want to check out that photo exhibit together on Saturday? Heard it's really good

I might have something Saturday

No worries no worries! Sorry for asking out of nowhere, I was just asking randomly anyway, no pressure at all, another day works too, or somewhere else if you want, totally up to you

Your first message was a clear invitation. Reading the whole thing, what is she most likely to pick up on?

Pick one answer

Lesson notes

A summary of this lesson to come back to. To make it stick, work through the steps above.

By the end you'll be able to

Point to a moment when something you performed got canceled by pleasing or hurry.

Key ideas

Weak behavioral cues
Canceling out

What weak cues are

Weak cues are cleanup moves driven by fear of being disliked: extra apologies, long explanations, backpedaling, rushing to finish, or handing every decision back to her. None of them is a big deal on its own. The problem is the fear behind them, and she can read it.

One weak cue can cancel several strong ones

Your voice can be clear and your distance just right, but follow it with three sorries in a row and the scale tips the other way, because the cleanup shows that fear is what's driving you. So the point of practice isn't performing more strong cues. It's doing fewer of the things that cancel them.

Take these with you

✓Weak cues are fear-driven cleanup: extra apologies, explaining, backpedaling and rushing.
✓One rushed take-back can cancel several strong cues.
✓The point isn't performing more strong cues. It's doing less of what cancels them.

This week's mission

This week, pause for a second before every "sorry" and ask whether you actually did something wrong. If not, drop it.