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Attraction · L1 · Practice that counts

Clean is enough to say hi

Sunday afternoon you head to the bakery near your place in a clean old T-shirt and sweatpants, hair not done. In line, the woman ahead of you grabs the last cinnamon roll, turns and smiles: "Sorry, I just stole the last one." You'd like to say something back, but a thought pops up: dressed like this, I have no business talking to her.

What's wrong with that thought?

Pick one answer

Lesson notes

A summary of this lesson to come back to. To make it stick, work through the steps above.

By the end you'll be able to

Separate keeping yourself neat from believing you can't speak up unless you're perfectly dressed.

Key ideas

  • The basics
  • The polish

Basics and presentation

Basics are things you can do every day: shower, wear clean clothes, keep your nails short, have fresh breath. Presentation is what you do when you have time to spare: a put-together outfit, styled hair, new clothes. When it comes to saying hi, the basics matter far more.

What's under "I have no business talking"

"I'm not dressed well enough to talk" sounds like it's about clothes. Underneath, it's often something else: fear of being looked down on, a belief that you have to be perfect to qualify. You can change clothes, but the thought follows you. Buy a new jacket and it'll find the next "not good enough."

Run into someone? You can still say hi

Running into someone doesn't require looking perfect, but it does require reading the moment. First check whether she's free, then say one short thing about what's happening right there, and let her decide whether to keep talking. If she answers briefly or needs to go, smile and say bye.

Take these with you

  • ✓The basics (clean, tidy, no odor) are everyday self-respect. Presentation is a bonus, not a ticket to speak.
  • ✓Other people notice the details of your appearance far less than you think.
  • ✓You can say hi on the spot: check whether they're free, keep it short, and let them decide whether to keep talking.

This week's mission

This week, cover your three basics before you head out. When you want to say hi to someone, don't wait until you're dressed better.