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Attraction · L1 · Practice that counts

Three debrief questions

At a friend's birthday party, you talk with a woman named Chloe for about ten minutes. She mentions she's learning to scuba dive. Then she says she's going to find her friends, and that's the end of it. On the way home you type into your phone notes: "Blew it again. I just can't talk to people."

What's the biggest problem with that note for next time?

Pick one answer

Lesson notes

A summary of this lesson to come back to. To make it stick, work through the steps above.

By the end you'll be able to

Write a debrief using three questions: what I did, how she responded, and one small thing to change next time.

Key ideas

  • Effective practice
  • Debriefing

Repetition isn't practice

Using the same opener a hundred times doesn't make it better on its own. Effective practice needs three things: one clear small goal, feedback afterward, and a small adjustment based on that feedback. Without feedback, repetition just wears your confidence down.

The three-question debrief

After any interaction, ask yourself three questions in order: What did I actually do? How did she actually respond? What's the one thing I'll change next time? Start with your own behavior you can check, then what you saw, and pick just one adjustment.

Know whose part is whose

The outcome of any interaction is what you did plus what's going on with her, sometimes with timing and luck mixed in. The only part you can change is yours. If she's in a hurry, has something on her mind, or just isn't interested, that's hers. It's not your report card.

Take these with you

  • ✓Repetition without feedback isn't practice. Effective practice has a small goal, feedback and an adjustment.
  • ✓Start a debrief with observable facts: what you did and how they responded, not a verdict.
  • ✓Change one thing next time, small enough to do and specific enough to check.

This week's mission

This week, after two different conversations, spend three minutes on the three debrief questions and see whether you did the one thing you picked.