Red Flags & Consent · L1 · The FRIES principles

Consent can be taken back

You're watching a movie on the couch. A bit earlier you asked if you could lean on them, and they said "Sure." A while later, they sit up and say, "Hey... I'd like to stop for now."

They said yes before, and now they want to stop. What do you do?

Pick one answer

Lesson notes

A summary of this lesson to come back to. To make it stick, work through the steps above.

By the end you'll be able to

Stop immediately when someone changes their mind.

Key ideas

Reversible

Which yes counts

The R in FRIES is Reversible. Consent isn't a signed contract you can't back out of. It's a willingness that updates every moment. If they said yes earlier and stop now, the one that counts is always now.

Your disappointment isn't their debt

Feeling disappointed when someone stops is normal. But that feeling is yours to handle. If every stop is met with questions or a cold shoulder, they'll stop saying it, and every yes after that becomes harder to trust.

You can stop at any point

"We already started" and "We've come this far" are not reasons to keep going. At any point, either person can stop, and that includes you.

Take these with you

✓Consent can be taken back anytime, no reason needed. Now is what counts.
✓When they say stop, stop. Check in, don't question, don't keep score.
✓Disappointment is yours to handle, not a debt they owe you.

This week's mission

This week, when someone changes plans on you, like canceling dinner or moving a meetup, practice replying with just "Sure, no problem" without asking why.