Third date. They ask, "Want to come over and watch a movie?" You say yes. At their place, you sit on the couch and the movie starts.
They invited you over to watch a movie. What did they agree to?
Pick one answer
Lesson notes
A summary of this lesson to come back to. To make it stick, work through the steps above.
By the end you'll be able to
Understand that agreeing to one thing isn't agreeing to the next.
Key ideas
Specific consent
Consent doesn't grow on its own
Saying yes to coming over isn't saying yes to staying the night. A yes to kissing isn't a yes to anything else. Consent doesn't stretch. Every new thing gets a new question.
A yes won with a cover story doesn't count
Using a pretext, like "Come up and meet my cat" when you have other plans, means they agree without knowing what's really going on. They said yes to the cat, not to the plan you didn't mention. It breaks both Informed and Specific.
How to ask specifically
A specific question is easier to answer than a vague "Is this okay?". Name the one thing you'd like to do, ask about one thing at a time, and treat the answer as covering only this time.
Take these with you
✓A yes covers exactly what was said, and nothing more.
✓A yes won with a cover story isn't informed consent.
✓Ask specifically for what you'd like, one thing at a time.
This week's mission
This week, before posting a photo of a friend or a group shot, ask, "Is it okay if I post this one?"